Posts tagged Los Angeles

Your city, with your celebrities, and your sushi, you kind of suck.

Disclaimer: I’ve only been once. [obvious] Disclaimer: I love NY. Disclaimer: I had inflated expectations from 500 Days of Summer (where are you in my life JGL!?)

First, shush about the sushi. I don’t eat raw fish and don’t like it in New York either. Yea, yea, call me crazy - all of my friends do too. My aversion complicates things for those incredible all you can eat deals, but my inner alcoholic still appreciates the Sake. [try: chinatowneastnyc.com - it will take you back to freshman year frat parties in college].

Here’s the thing - the west coast attitude bothers me. Where is your stress? Where is your sense of urgency? Where is your resulting anxiety!?! Some of you might see this as a positive attribute, but try getting anything accomplished in Los Angeles. Making plans is impossible since people seem to think spontaneity and doing nothing are synonymous. 

Speaking of doing things - don’t try this either. Normal bars close at 2 a.m. (WHERE ARE YOU? BUM FUCK MICHIGAN?) and the extreme lack of public transportation makes going [exciting] places near impossible. I like to sing in the car as much as the next girl, but I much prefer my metro card to the insurance payment of a 20-something.

Speaking of 20-somethings: GET A JOB! What are you doing out and about at 3pm on a Thursday. Trying to “make it” while waiting for your shift at the Olive Garden to start at 5? I’m sorry that I don’t have any connections for you, but don’t blow me off because of it. I’ve met bankers nicer than you. Rude!

Things they don’t tell you in the tour guides: smog ruins plans, free shit doesn’t exist, the beaches are dirty. Don’t tell me LA is full of pretty people, because the plethora of cellulite I witnessed in Santa Monica was disturbing.

Oh, LA, I’m sure you have a lot to offer, and I will grant you the award for superior weather, but…do better.